May-June 1993
Assuring Emotional Security for Children
By John C. Patterson
To help, adults must first understand emotional maltreatment.
Every day most of us have untold interactions with children—our
own, members of our Scouting unit, and others with whom we come in
contact.
We complete many of these contacts almost subconsciously without a
second's thought; in fact, most of the routine adult-child transactions
do not require a substantial amount of our attention. At times, however,
it may be helpful to be a bit more analytical of the ways we interact
with children and how such interactions affect the child.
Has something like this ever happened to you? You're at summer camp
when one of the Scouts proudly approaches you with a piece of pottery
he just baked in the craft shop. Instead of complimenting his workmanship,
you say, "That's good, now go and put it away. We've got to go to the
dining hall."
You could tell by his expression that your reaction was less than he
expected. It would have taken only a few seconds longer to recognize
something special about his project that would communicate real
appreciation for his accomplishment. His face carried a clear meaning:
rejection.
The purpose of this article is to increase adults' understanding of
how they can provide an emotionally-secure environment for children. In
addition, the article will show the potential harm to children that is
possible, even from unintentional emotional maltreatment.
Dr. James Garbarino, president of the Erickson Institute for Advanced
Studies in Human Development, has categorized the five most common forms
of emotional maltreatment of children:
- Rejecting—An explicit refusal to accept the child.
Children thrive on acceptance and are devastated by rejection.
A common example of this type of emotional maltreatment by parents
is negative comparison to another child: "Why can't you be more
like your brother?" "You're always messing up." Or it could be
total rejection: "You can never do anything right!" Another example
of this is based on the sex of the child: "Why couldn't you have
been a girl [or a boy]? It would have been so much better."
- Ignoring—Being psychologically unavailable, depriving
the child of essential stimulation and responsiveness. Children
need a partner to develop normally.
One example of this may be the parent who works long hours, due to
economic needs or the demands of the job. Usually she or he does
not take time to talk to or otherwise interact with the child, nor
to express affection.
An extreme case of ignoring is a recent situation in which a
drug-addicted mother left her children locked in a mobile home
while she and her boy friend were away for the weekend.
- Terrorizing—Verbally assaulting or bullying the child,
creating a climate of fear. When the parent destroys the child's
possessions or attacks his beloved friends or pets, that parent
also terrorizes the child. Such actions teach the lesson that
the world is unstable.
Examples of terrorizing include spouse abuse in the presence of
the child. Threatening dire punishments for minor rule infractions
is also included. Additionally, the rules themselves may be
unreasonable.
- Isolating—Cutting the child off from normal social
experiences. This prevents the child from forming friendships
and deprives him of contact with social networks and relationships
that would be supportive.
An example is the parent who refuses to allow the child to bring
friends home or to go to friends' houses to play. Isolating also
could include forbidding the child to join Scouting or other
groups or to participate in school extracurricular
activities.
- Corrupting—Teaching the child socially deviant patterns
of behavior and thus mis-socializing the child.
Common examples of corrupting behavior on the part of the care-givers
include permitting, or sometimes encouraging, the use of drugs or
alcohol. Another example is the use of a child in the commission
of a crime.
Common to all five forms of emotional maltreatment is the impact on
children's development of negative feelings about themselves, society,
and their inability to develop trusting relationships with others.
Isolated instances of any of these would probably not constitute
emotional abuse or neglect. However, if any become part of a behavior
pattern, then intervention is warranted.
Scout leaders should be aware that children use these same kinds of
emotional maltreatment on other children. Hazings and initiations, for
example, use terrorizing, isolating, and rejecting.
Hazings and initiations are prohibited as part of the Scouting program,
however. And leaders should encourage their members to find more positive
methods of inducting newcomers and building cohesive units.
Ten Strategies to Build Emotional Security in Scouting
- Set the example. Be aware of how you interact with children.
Listen to yourself. Do you use inappropriate language? Are your
interactions in keeping with the purpose of the program and the
spirit of the Scout Law?
- Ensure that the unit has trained leaders. A well-trained
leader is more likely to produce positive experiences for youth,
the effects of which may last a lifetime. Through training,
leaders learn about the Scouting program and the developmental
needs of the members of their units.
- Use Scouting's support personnel. Commissioner staffers,
chartered organization representatives, and professional staff
should be asked for assistance when leaders encounter problems
that they feel are beyond their capacity to resolve. Knowing
you are not alone can reduce the stress that you might otherwise
unintentionally direct toward the members of your
unit.
- Do not use or tolerate others' use of derogatory nicknames.
Terms like "Four Eyes," "Chubby," "Retard," "Gimp," and others
exploit the sensitivities of the child and can interfere with
self-confidence. Discourage the use of this kind of nickname by
unit members. Children with disabilities are especially susceptible
to this emotional maltreatment.
- When correcting a child, deal only with the specific behavior
that you want to change. Statements such as, "You always mess
up. Why can't you do anything right?" are counter productive and
reinforce negative self-concepts. A better approach is to focus
on the problem. For example, "I get very worried when you've
promised to be home by nine o'clock and you're not here until
after midnight."
- Look for opportunities to recognize accomplishments in positive
ways. Success breeds success. Children need to have successful
experiences and have their achievements recognized to develop
self-esteem. Scouting provides excellent opportunities for
meaningful recognition through its advancement and leadership
development programs.
- Keep your level of expectation within the realms of the child's
ability. Children may be challenged to, as the U.S. Army says,
"Be all that you can be." But we should not expect kids to do more
than they are capable of achieving. Success is a progression of
small steps, not one giant leap.
- If you suspect that a child is being emotionally maltreated,
try to help. You may help ease the pressure by recognizing
that a parent or leader is experiencing stress, and offering aid.
A comment like, "It looks like you're having a rough time today;
can I help?" may be like throwing a life-preserver to a drowning
person. You can also help a child cope with an abusive situation.
Children being abused at home need reassurance that their parents
do love them but may not know how to express that love. They also
need to know there are things they can do if they are being
emotionally abused: talking to a person they can trust (this may
be you); or, if the abuse is from another adult, talking with
their parents about it.
- Work with the other families with children in your child's
pack, troop, Varsity Scout team, or Explorer post. By doing so
you help ensure that all children are treated with respect and
in ways that foster self-confidence and emotional competence.
Raising children is a community responsibility. By working with
other parents in your church, school, or neighborhood you will
help to focus attention on positive ways to nurture the children
with whom your child plays.
- Use the Scout Oath and Law to guide your interactions with
children. Adherence to the basic principles of Scouting can
help insure that emotional maltreatment won't occur. Stress these
principles with youth members as guides for their relations with
their peers.
Junior leaders need to know that they are responsible for demonstrating
positive leadership skills and to seek guidance when confronted with
situations beyond their capability.
These 10 strategies can help develop an emotionally-nurturing environment
for children in Scouting and in families. These techniques can also be
applied to emotional abuse inside and outside of the program.
Copyright © 1993 by the Boy Scouts of America. All rights thereunder reserved;
anything appearing in Scouting magazine or on its Web site may not be reprinted
either wholly or in part without written permission. Because of freedom given authors,
opinions may not reflect official concurrence.
